wish everyday was yesterday

this is one blog ive not thought abt and have no clue on wht im gonna write.. coz i dont wanna be the same person evrytime and coz change is inevitable. but anywayz i wanted to write a blog on this line ..its very special to me and ppl who understand me. its not about yesterday as in a day i guess.

we keep hoping to have a better day tomorrow and than wht it was today i guess. but is it really worth it. i mean if everyday was yesterday would it be ok. i thnk for me it would do jus fine. i dont wanna walk into tomo hoping its better than today or yesterday. i would rather stick with yesterday. the day i really know, the day i have really seen, experienced..coz i know how it ends u know. i hate it when i dont know the ending.

the world seems so distant today when yest it felt so close.the people who smiled at u yest cannot be seen today. when yest i felt that i could possibly do anythin, today i feel down in the dumps..so fucked up..for no apparent reason. and i want the world to know how i feel..i dont wanna go thru this alone. i thnk im just born this way, y did yesterday have to be so good. if yest was fucked up jus like today, i wouldnt have something to compare today to...then my whole life would be fucked up and i wouldnt even know it was fucked up u know...comparison is wht screws things up.

well i loved yest and i hate today... and i dont hope for tomo to be yest but let it not be today..

When the bubble bursts

Feel

I don’t know why people are so hell bent on following other peoples prototypes, i mean why do everyone want to classify people as this and that. Other people can be so inconsiderate when considering your case, so much that sometimes you feel like just forgetting about the rest of the world and just doing what you really want. But can u really do anything u want without the rest of the world interfering with you?.just think about it..how you really don’t have any freedom. All the freedom you think you have is just like a curtain which has the picture of a green meadow with beautiful sun shining down on it..but pull the curtain away and u expose a dried out field with whr no life can survive. Probably as u grew older, certain freedom was given to u, but does this freedom have any strings attached to it. I think its like as you grow older, the chain around ur neck becomes longer and longer so tht u can explore more things but does this chain ever come out..can u ever be rid of this leash, experience real freedom?..i , really don’t think most ppl are lucky enough in their life, some ppl might get the chance to experience it . But then what does the jealous society say about these ppl...they call them good-for –nothings, unsuccessful etc etc..

Parents, relatives, friends etc etc care about you and hence they might try to advice you but do they really have any rights at all to stop you from doing something you want??..they say if you really know tht u want something, no one can stop you from doing it..is tht real??..how many ppl will you disobey, against how many ppl’s wishes do you dare to go??..there will surely be someone in your life u care about, be it family or a friend..do you dare to go against them if need arises??..make someone you love and who loves you hate you just so tht you can do what u needed to do..i think it the eternal question one needs to answer before you go AHEAD in life..

DO YOU DARE INCUR THE WRATH AND HATRED OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH THAT YOU WOULD GIVE YOUR LIFE FOR THEM JUST SO THAT YOU CAN DO WHAT YOUR HEART YEARNS TO DO..TO DO THE ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR HEART GO MAD WITH JOY..TO DO THE THING THAT U REALLY AND MADLY WANT TO DO...

There you have the answer, there you have your chain, there you have the leash tht pulls you back that keeps you chained up..elongating and shortening as it pleases but never letting go.

How many answered the above question with a “yes..i dare to”..??..even i did want to..but think for a bit..do you really?..

Take a small eg.. some dayz back when i went out with my aunt, we saw a guy in a bike. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt which exposed his arms..he had a tattoo of some kind on his arm and one of eyebrow was pierced. As soon as my aunt saw him, she said” look at that guy, i didn’t know these type of people came here”..type??..whats his type??..such a small incident in which people classify people based on their looks and attitude got me thinking. Cant a normal guy who goes to work in the morning to a good job be tattooed???...cant a guy just go about his life, not bothering with anyone else without the world stereotyping him ??..why cant the world just stop assuming things..

Its really making me go mad...not that i want to change anything major in my life..i am happy as i am, but just the thought that i cant even if i want to scares me , sickens me..what if a day comes when i want to do something which everyone would want me not to do..then that day do i dare do it??..can i do it??..will i chicken out??..will i have the courage to do it??..will i want to do it??..

I really don’t know. That drives me mad..

I really wish i was born in a much different world..a world in which people don’t really care about other people, where people depend on other people just for physical and emotional needs..where people don’t form relations with other people...where people don’t really care a fuck about anyone else but just pretend to do it just for the sake of their needs...how i wish..

But to assume that this world will change or that some one can make it change is just foolish. As SLIPKNOT puts it it one of their new songs, don’t remember which..” The world will never change. The only answer is annihilation...obliteration”..though the first part is true second part can be argued about coz even if u annihilate people, new people replace them..who might look different, have different views even have different lifestyles but still retain the human tendency to form relations and connections...that itself is the problem u wanted to eliminate...

All i wanted to say to say is this..im not telling you to try to break the chain or to fight your emotions...just telling you that the next time you feel the tug of the leash on your neck, just remember that you r not free in the real sense and never will be ..is there hope??..the answer is for the courageous to answer.

These are few lines from METALICA’S song LOW MAN’S LYRIC

“My eyes seek reality AND my fingers seek my vein”

An extreme measure maybe, but this is the reality..and once you seen the truth, theres no going back..only ending it or trudging ahead knowing that you will never win but still must reach the finishing line because those you love expect you to..

This reminds me of another line from the song:

“So as i write to you, of what is done And to do..

Maybe ull understand..”

I hope you do..i really do..someday u will...i end by saying this..this is from METALLICA’S song UNFORGIVEN 2;

“Lie beside me under wicked sky

The doors cracks open, but theres no sun shining through

“she lay beside me, but will she be there when im gone”

WILL SHE BE THERE??..DO U WANT HER TO BE THERE??..DOES IT MATTER IF SHES THERE??..

You'll leave me for the dead, i have no doubt
I can still hear me shout

The sun shines yet i feel so cold,
lacklustre life, weary and old
Ran too fast, missed the peak,
now its all so dismal and bleak.
You're all that i ever had, ever will have
You're all that i ever lost, ever will lose

chorus:

Everytime i hear you breathe
i feel so damn complete
Everytime you stand close to me,
you're all that i can see
Everytime you walk out through the door,
my heart feels like its been dropped on the stone cold floor

Now ure gone and all's not well,
Dead inside, tears just refuse to swell.
Living on without hope, i cannot honestly see the end,
This surely must be hell, coz this cannot be godsend.

Chorus..

for Somanchi...:D

this is a alteration of an hindi film song ,written by me for my bestest frnd..whos in campus rt now..and missing me badly...lolz...hehe..:D...( plzz dont kill me)


yeh jo woh bandhan hai jo kabhi toot nahi sakta..
main chahe kahi jaaye,main laute ke aaunga
nahi nahi rahon main
khoye khoye dil se tere
kohi ye kahega
yeh jo bestest frnd he tera...
tujhe hai pukara

hostel main sare sukh hai barse
par duur hai apne frnd se
aa laut chal tu
yeh jo bestest frnd he tera

hmmm hmmmmmm hmmmm aaaaa aaaaaaaaa
aaaa aa hmmmmmm hmmmmmm hmmmmm

long time...no see..missing me??

im sorry for not wrting for more than a month now..just didnt feel like it..was kinda busy also..after my IIT ordeal i had to go straight to hyd for my PS2...wel..talking abt my PS..

i landed here in hyd and next day i had to go for reg for ps..i thght reg was at 9 instead of 10 so i arrived thr at 8..lolz..not a good strt..had to wait outside for 1.5 hrs..from thr we were taken to our HO..my PS instr seemed cool..(seemed)...next day we had to report to ther factory..facory is arnd 1 hr drive from the HO in the company bus..

here's my typical working day...wake up at 6..bath and get out of the house by 7..get on the bus and reach the factory by 8:30..eat brkfast..go to the distilation column section and sit in an office overlooking the column till arnd 12 30...just wastin time..my only company is my current roomie , a chap from pilani...we keep talkin abt various weird topics just to pass time..at 12 30 go to eat lunch..after that for 1 hr sit on the lawn outside the gates looking at the sky..and finally at 2 30 board the bus and go home..lolz..
reach home at 4..thrs a power cut thr till 6..so no current..:((..at arnd 5 30 i go to the gym..whr tht coach chap thinks im mr india..lolz..(1st day he asked me to do 200 ab crunches..hehe..lolz..)
...crawl back home by 7..watch some crap on my comp...go out for dinner at 9..come back maybe see a film or some sitcom..sleep by 12.. coz i have to fuckin do the same thing tomorrow..u digg?? (lolz..the snoop dogg influence i guess...)

acco is nice though..2 bed room flat..only 2 of us..i got the room with the balcony.:))..took broadband..hmm..getting back to my PS intr..hes an old chap..kinda weird...he had our first qiuz some days back..apparently its an untold law tht whenevr we meet him we have to show him our ps diary...tho in the handout precise dates r given for diary submission..wht the fuck..me and my roomie..( or housie..lolz..) didnt take it..we met him and told him tht..rest of the ppl had somehow got it..(WTF)...we thght he would be pissed off but would excuse us..but..he was practically livid..boiling..he called us oversmart..(huh??) and told tht next time we do tht he will brk our legs..( i swear on my mom...he told tht..exact words..."if ure good to me ill be ur frnd..if u act oversmart..i ll brk ur legs")..OMG....not yet 1 month in to my PS..and my instr wants to brk my leg...hehe...

but all in all..PS is god i guess..absolutely no work whatso eva..our incharge in the factory ..lets call him T rex..absolutely cool insane chap..he bunks atleast once a week..so do we..sometimes it dosent coincide but hus to blame...then thrs blady..2nd in charge...smiling all the time..real nice chap..but a total fool ..and then thrs "15 dosa fatso"..loud, fat and hated by T rex..finalyy the "gadget guy"..this guy walks up to us and asks mu housie.." as far as cell fones go howz o2"..he said " i thnk thts quite exp but ob very nice"..he just nodded and walked away...he ddint come next day..the foll day he had an o2 in his hand..lolz...he earns prob 10k a month...and just walked in and bought an o2..hmmm..makes me think y i dont own an merc...sometime back he saw him looking intently at a sony bravia lcd ad...guess his wifes gonna starve for a yr..hehe..atleast they can watch soaps on a 52" lcd..lolz...thts abt it..cya..

Man vs Monkey

ok...i just had to write about this...real life experience...this time its not about a weird frnd of mine...it happened to me...:(..

i got up in the morn yest, thinking "wow only 4 dayz to go"..and i was in a pretty good mood...humming to myself i got ready and dressed up and went down to the garage and got in to my cycle and rode away into happiness....atleast tht was wht i was thinking....(mysterious background music..oooooohhohohohohooowowowowow aaaaaaaooooaoaoaaaa)...

i went as usual to the campus cafe for breakfast . i noticed that while i was goin inside a few monkeys were roaming outside the cafe...since this was not unusual in IITM, where monkeys and deers are outnumber human beings, i didnt think about it much...it was kinda crowded inside and it took some time to find a place and eat breakfast...after eating breakfast i felt kinda thirsty, u know..the kind of thirst only carbonated drinks can quench..hehe.:D..but here in this lame cafe, they had only appy...so i bought myself an appy and drank 2-3 sips and walked outside..(horror music...aaaaaaaaoooooohhhhhhhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooo)

the number of monkeys outside had increased like crazy...now there were like 12-15 of them outside...still i didnt think much and strted walking towards my cycle.
just then agrup of 3 monkeys ran upto me...i didnt see them comin...suddenly BAM!! they were in front of me..3 freaking big monkeys...they sorta sat down near my foot and the leader walked upto me and started making scAry noises. he wanted the appy in my hand and was trying to reach for it...i kept taking my hand higher and higher and he started showing his teeth and getting angry i thnk...the other monkeys were also making these weird noises.

shit...i was quite scared...didnt no what to do...some chap who was nearby shouted out to drop the appy and back away or they might attack u or scratch u..in which case i might have to take an injection..(really???)...anywayz i thght it was pretty good advise at tht pt of time and i dropped the appy....they pounced on it and strted fighting amongst themselves..i ran to my cycle and unlocked it and got into it and almost cycled away....but then i thght...

shld i run from these monkeys..i mean we defeated them in previous era's right???...u guyz remember the great monkey wars of 1750 right..??..when humans defeated monkeys and humiliated them..or going furthur back in time....the first monkey war of 5000 BC..when monkeys fought amongst themselves and a sect of them defeated the other and the sect which won was called themselves "humans" from tht day onwards...shld i just leave all tht and run and betray the whole of human race and be exiled forever...NO..I WILL NOT RUN...

at the same time a dialogue from the Hollywood Block Buster and BEst movie ever "ULTRAVIOLET" flashed in my brain..." im violet and i lived in a world u couldnt even imagine"

i know it has no significance here but i just wanted to say it anywayz,...:))..lol..
coming back to real time, so i turned my cycle so tht i could run away fast ..then i picked up a pretty big stone...the monkey which won the battle with other monkeys for the appy...had climbed a small tree and was sitting on the top...i tok the stone and threw it at the monkey...quite hard...it hit him square on his arm or chest...in sudden fright it dropped the appy from its hand and it fell into a drain...and was swept away..for ever....i cycled away as fast as possible knowing tht i had just won the "1st monkey war of IITM" and tht human race is still in great hands....